Is this working?

Relationships. The romantic kind. They’re funny things. Exciting. Stimulating. Painful. Relationships are the topic of many conversations. They motivate us, encourage us, drive us to succeed, and drive us to distraction.

When I talk to people about relationships, when I watch TV, or read advertisements in  magazines, it becomes unbelievably clear to me that the way we have defined, and began to understand relationships is not working effectively.  I’ve noticed a lot of  insecurity around it. In fact, when I typed “insecurity” into the online thesaurus, the first thing that came up was a link to “relationship insecurity”. We are insecure. We are insecure when in relationships and we are insecure when single. I talk to more and more people who are unsure about what they want, who they are, where they stand. People think they will find this completeness they are lacking once they pair up with someone else; “if I could just find the one, then I would be happy”.  This is quite often an ineffective way of doing things. People have a tendency to lose themselves, to lose who they really are, while trying desperately to connect with someone who is not right for them.

It is more effective to live in alignment with yourself, and then build relationships with people who are in alignment with you. When I’ve seen relationships that are working really well, and the people seem connected to each other, when I ask them, the individuals will often say “that person is perfect for me”. What they mean is, the other person is compatible with them, they share the same interests and values, they see the world through similar eyes. They mean they feel supported, understood, and valued by the other person. That person plays such an important role in their life that they could not be replaced by anyone else; that person is perfect for them.

Unfortunately, many people are not in relationships with those who are perfect for them,  a lot of people seem to be in relationships just because. It’s as if they feel obligated to be partnered up with someone, and as such, a lot of people are in unfulfilling relationships or relationships where they don’t really connect with one another.

People have been known to put a lot of time and energy into those who are not perfect for them; into those who just do not line up with who they are, and then they are confused about why the relationship didn’t work out. “I did everything the way I should have, I was faithful, I treated him well”. They don’t realize that relationships don’t always end because somebody did something wrong, they often end because the two people just didn’t compliment each other. The compatibility was not there, and that’s okay. We are not going to line up with everybody. And that’s why I believe in the value of living in alignment with yourself; of building a relationship with who you are; becoming clear on your goals and desires and values. Because once these are clear, you are going to start attracting people into your life who line up with those desires and values. It will help you to recognize those who relate to you and those who do not, so you will be a lot clearer in the kind of people you enjoy spending time with.