Taking the time to "Deal with myself".

In the film Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert says “Since I was 15 I have either been with a guy or breaking up with a guy, I haven’t had so much as two weeks just to deal with myself”

Honest words by a brilliant writer, reflecting so many people’s stories.

I have not seen the film Eat, Pray, Love, but I have read the book. Insightful and clarifying. I would highly recommend it to anyone who has ever had a relationship end. The movie might be good too.

“Since I was 15 I have either been with a guy or breaking up with a guy, I haven’t had so much as two weeks just to deal with myself”. We live in a world that rushes. From the moment we get out of bed, we are on the go. Shower is quick, coffee pot is timed, agenda is full, the car is already running, and you’re already at your first meeting before your shoes are on.

We live in a world that rushes. We are onto the next project before the current one is even completed, no spaces in between. This works in the business world. Be in a hurry, have a lot on the go, “onwards and upwards”. In the business world, this is known as being productive, taking initiative. It leads to success.

This mentality does not, however, lead to success in relationships, which is maybe why so many people are struggling with relationships in this progress-driven society.

“I haven’t had so much as two weeks just to deal with myself”. Elizabeth Gilbert decides to break this pattern. She gives herself a year. A year of space. A year of stillness. A year of Elizabeth Gilbert. Since the age of fifteen she has been building relationships with others, while neglecting her relationship with herself. Without a strong relationship with herself, who was she bringing to these relationships?

Many people do this, onto the next relationship without finding proper closure from the previous one; without redefining where they stand with themselves “onwards and upwards”. “I’ve just got to keep moving forward” is a phrase I hear regularly. My question is; “What’s wrong with sitting still?”

Sitting still gives you the chance to sort through the baggage, to reflect on the previous relationship, to reflect on who you are and how you’ve changed. Sitting still give you the chance to reestablish old friendships and reconnect with the activities that make you whole. It gives you the chance to find yourself again, and wouldn’t it be great if the person you brought to your next relationship was a strong sense of YOU?

Here’s a question to ask yourself; how long was your last relationship with You? How long-term was that commitment?

Since the age of 15, Liz had been creating two-week relationships with herself (not a whole lot of relationship building can happen in two weeks). In the book she challenges herself to a year long commitment; a commitment I feel is worth making. The relationship with yourself needs to be the strongest, it is the only relationship that is guaranteed to last a lifetime.

*If looking for a good, enlightening read, I highly recommend Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

*If looking for a simple, point-driven read, The Rules of Love by Richard Templar is fantastic.

*If looking for an insightful, purifying ready, The Wise Heart by Jack Kornfield was spiritually-stilling.