Let It Happen Naturally

Humans connect naturally. It is a natural instinct for us. When we meet people who share common interests, when we meet people who line up with us, we bond with them. This process is easy. There is no trying involved. You do not try to breath. You do not try to eat. You just do it. You do it because it is easy and it feels natural.

Some people believe that they do have to try; “I have to go for coffee with this person, I have to listen to them, I have to try to understand their opinions about life, and agree with those opinions. I have to make changes in myself, and I have to ask them to make changes. It takes effort in order for us to relate.”

Those relationships often lead to resentment and end up being unfulfilling. Relationships where both people are trying, don’t usually last. I have heard people compare a previous, mediocre relationships to a current, fulfilling one (one in which they created without trying); “this new relationship takes so little work, it’s effortless and is so much better”

Yeah, life is meant to be effortless.

There are some things that you do have to try for; Basketball for example. That is something you have to go out and try for. You will never know unless you try. You are not going to know if you are good at basketball unless you go out there and run the court, and shoot a few hoops, and make an effort.

But a relationship is not a skill that you either do or do not have. It is not something that you try to achieve. Relationships happen to all people. Relationships are not like basketball, relationships are like breathing. When you are connecting with someone else who is in alignment with who you are, there is no trying. Relationships unfold naturally.

So how does one stop seeking and start allowing the natural process? Build a relationship with yourself. Participate in activities and interact with close friends who remind you of who you really are. You will start to meet new people. We meet new people daily (many of us are just too closed off to recognize this). Enjoy these new people. Laugh together, talk together, participate in activities together. Without that mental habit of “maybe this is the one”. Enjoy these new people without attaching strings. With no assumptions. When you meet someone who seems to line up with your thoughts, values, and beliefs; when you sense that you want to spend more time with this person, arrange to do so. With no strings attached. Do not let your purpose for proposing coffee be because you no longer want to be single, let it be because you genuinely enjoy this person’s company, no matter the role they may or may not play in your life. Go for coffee, hang out, get to know each other better. The relationship will start to unfold naturally.

Pay attention to your next unromantic relationship. Maybe it’s the person who sits behind you in math class, maybe it’s the girl who just joined your swim team. Pay attention to how that relationship unfolds. My suspicion is it is going to happen without pressure, without any forced effort on your behalf. A romantic relationship will happen the same way.