I think sometimes people get into relationships despite what their gut is telling them. The desire to connect with someone can be so powerful that sometimes we ignore what our higher self is saying when someone else starts to show interest. It’s a self-esteem boost. When another is giving us attention and making us feel noticed, we tend to get emotionally attached before we even know who this person is and whether or not we even relate to him/her.
My advice; before you allow yourself to fall too hard:
- Find out why this person finds you attractive (is it because you’re cute? Because you make a lot of money? Or because you remind that person of him or herself?)
- Find out if you are compatible (do you share a lot of the same interests, values, and beliefs?)
- Listen to your gut and be honest. Always be honest.
If you find that the hours easily go by, with one conversation leading into the next, if you catch yourself sharing personal things with this person, that’s a good sign. Pay attention to that. If this person’s thoughts and opinions stimulate your own, if you sense your own values and beliefs being supported and validated, that’s a good sign. Pay attention to that.
If you feel that you are struggling with conversation, if you catch yourself looking at your watch often, or notice that you are starting to get bored with the other person’s ideas, that’s a sign. Pay attention to that. If this person’s thoughts and opinions annoy you, if you sense your own values and beliefs are being misunderstood, that’s a sign. Pay attention to that.
It’s become a bad thing in our society to admit to someone that we don’t feel connected to them. We think this information will greatly harm them, and breaking it off is only an option if that person does something “bad”, or if you have a big fight. The truth is, you’re really doing them a favor by being honest, by admitting that you don’t feel connected to them. No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who has to act like they’re having a good time. Think about it, do you want your partner pretending to be interest in your thoughts, or do you deserve more than that? Admitting that you don’t feel connected gives both of you the opportunity to find a relationship that fits. It’s not this other person’s fault if they don’t line up with you. It’s not that they are not good enough, or putting blame on them, it’s being honest. “hey we both deserve to be with something different, someone more compatible.” People are afraid to be honest with others and people are afraid to be honest with themselves. It’s this fear of being able to admit when you don’t connect that makes people stay in meaningless or superficial relationships. We all deserve to be in relationships where we fill fulfilled, heard, supported, and connected. So listen to your gut.
